This might be cliche. But it did give me shivers down the spine
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called “best friend”. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn’t want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick” she said; he’s not going to go well, I didn’t have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as “best friends”. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn’t think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said “I had the best time, thanks!” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, “you’re my best friend, thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say “I do” and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said “you came!”. She said “thanks” and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my “best friend”. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn’t notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love him but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too…` I thought to my self, and I cried.
I kind of promised myself, this time round, i’ll see it to the end.
I might have been obsessed with unrequited love, I’m good at that.
But since i’m well aware that i’m not suppose to love, i should abide to it.
Skinnier love, all is well. Keep it this way.
And i’m kinda glad that i actually like Charmaine. I’m assuming she is telling me she’s not interested in conversing regularly. But she is tactful, thats sweet.
Here on, let love be infatuation. Let it go away slowly. Everything dies eventually. If it doesn’t, stifle that love and distance it, when left alone, it stops manifesting.
Reverting back to my old self. It was never needed, opening up your heart and telling people how you feel. Took me long enough to realise that, no one can help you, no one truly cares, truly.
Today, a decision is made.
When i fancy someone, i tell the whole world except her.
What is wrong with me..
I can’t help but wonder,
that the epitome of euphoria, is knowing that another particular entity, in this case, a female, showing mutual feelings and attraction as you do.
The very thought itself consumes me.
I once told a friend, no actually i always tell my friends that love doesn’t exist. Hate does. And that love is actually the absence of hate. Before we go on about arguing what love and hate is, i think everyone is missing my point here.
That is, people who don’t or seem to not believe in love are actually the ones that yearns love the most, the MOST i tell you. This isn’t oxymoronic in any sense, i don’t have a proper explanation for this but you always want what you are running from.
"You always want what you are running from", taken from Ellie Goulding’s lyrics. This phrase here describes my life, my secrets, and those secrets that i want to carry to grave.
But right now, i don’t want to be feel vulnerable again. I don’t think i did the wrong thing by approaching her, we were primary school friends afterall. It was embarrassing when she couldn’t recognised me at all. And why am such a sucker for people from my past?
I am trying to figure something about me right here. Is it because it is within reach? What kind of person am i. Why does my life get hurled upside down when i meet someone i like. I will run away from her, expecting her to catch up. Thats what i always do.
Being contradicting and living a life with your conflicting thoughts is like having two people within me, just like how the heart and the mind are always illustrated as two separate entities and the brain warns the heart from getting hurt.
I go through that everyday, its tiring, and just as i was about as bent on leading life in solitude, to set myself free by leaving this country to travel and pursue my meaning of life, i see her. An exact replica with my thoughts and currently accomplishing her dreams, going around restrictions and man, she’s gorgeous.. I felt really good days ago but when i met her and we talked, she was doing things, things that I’ve want to do and going to places. I felt, small.
Almost immediately, i convinced myself that we have found our counterpart, both the brain and heart. But no, if only my life was that simple. I wouldn’t and couldn’t have the balls to ask her out again, well, because i’m afraid to. I don’t want things to get serious, because when it does, i run away :)
Well, i don’t even know much of her yet, she might be happily in a relationship, who knows. I won’t ask. Just that writing my thoughts out makes me feel better, whether anyone reads it or not, knowing that my thoughts are out there is like screaming out to the sea. Maybe no one hears your cry for help but screaming into nothingness is a way of letting it all out.
I will continue to do so, because no one around me is really interested in whatever i genuinely feel, and also because i can’t explain everything.
Hmm.. let it go then, lets wait for this love/absence of hate/infatuation to subside and get on with life, or my final year thesis. Once again, just doing enough to get by.
To get by.
Lol. I am laughing at my own whim.
Her name : Linnéa N. (I wouldn’t wanna reveal her last name because her name is unique, one of a kind, only one in the world.. Only her family has that last name, and that is like only 10 of them)
My name : Eugene Y.
Don’t you see it? Mathematically, She is Ln (the natural logarithm). I am e^y (exponential function).
Ln (e^y) = 1
We are one together forever. Bahaha!! OH CRAP, Ln e^ y aint equal to one. LOL it equates to y = x. I must have been so obsessed that i try to change math for love. But still, y = x is cool. To infinity and beyond. We will always be on the same page, values, and heading towards the ends of the graph together.
CLEARLY NO ONE READ THIS. LOL Ln e indeed is one. Lol
Rihanna - Love The Way You Lie (Part 2) ft. Eminem
That you pushed me into the coffee table last night
So I can push you off me
Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
Run out the room and I’ll follow you like a lost puppy
Baby, without you, I’m nothing, I’m so lost, hug me
Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you’ll always love me
Then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the
Destructive path that we’re on, two psychopaths but we
Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other’s backs
That we’ll have each other’s backs, ‘cause we’re that lucky
Together, we move mountains, let’s not make mountains out of molehills,
You hit me twice, yeah, but who’s countin’?
I may have hit you three times, I’m startin’ to lose count
But together, we’ll live forever, we found the youth fountain
Our love is crazy, we’re nuts, but I refused counsellin’
This house is too huge, if you move out I’ll burn all two thousand
Square feet of it to the ground, ain’t shit you can do about it
With you I’m in my f-ckin’ mind, without you, I’m out it
Everytime i hear Em singin’ “You hit me twice, yeah but who’s countin? I may have hit you three times” I would start laughing. Em is brilliant. You laugh because it is funny, but you can always feel that powerful emotion behind his voice. How do i even put it..
I just love the lyrics so much. That is how love should be like imo. Passionate and fiery, burns ever brightly and disappears. Oh like i ever know what love is, its too scary for me figure.
“She has got so much love in her heart. But the thought of letting it out, showing her cards, scares her to death.”
So i am always slightly jealous of couples :) But they have my eternal blessing :D
And.. is there a threshold for how much the heart can take. Physical pain can be intense enough to make you unconscious.. but emotional wounds.. wow..i dont even..
Bleahhh. Time heals all wounds. Thank you, time.
Love is doing something and expecting nothing back. Love is not always pretty. Love is hard, difficult, scary. However, the beauty of it is looking that person in the eye, and still seeing the beauty within the mess.
-Quoted from some page on fb
Love is a verb, it is a doing word. But really, i can’t agree with the last phrase more. I get that when i see her eyes. Its strange, because this quote was part of “Relationship rules” . Oh i just realised it can mean relationship as friends. Lol cool.
The beauty amidst all the uncertainties.
The beauty within the chaos.
I picture this in a cinematic way. She stands in the middle of nowhere or somewhere and everything around gets fast forward and changes in the background(crowds walking past, changes in landscape, war, celebration,riots) while the view rotates 360 degrees gradually, like those you see on Discovery Channel that fast forwards to capture the beauty.
And she would just stand there, looking pretty.
The eye of the tornado. Please stay that way, i feel safe only with you. Soon enough, i will get sucked into the tornado along with the mess thats in it, society o.o
You know those email tidbits that get sent over and over around the internet? Well, I don’t usually read through many of them, but my cousin Chris sent me this one below and I thought it was beautiful. I don’t know who the original author is so I can’t give any credit. Here it is:
Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.
Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, “I love you and I wish you enough”.
Made me googled “Did Malfoy loved Hermione” .
So this is brain washing..
So i’ll say to you,
Come home..come home..
Cause i’ve been waiting for you,
for so long.. so long ~