Well, i believe i’ve mention this before, not that it matters but i’ve always pictured myself dying in flat greenland/plateau with grey skies looking like that.
Tall dried grass works as well, like that in the picture. That is exactly where i want to lay in for eternity, and grey skies. Grey skies are calming, its the calm before the storm, surprisingly tranquil and picturesque, whether its rapid moving grey clouds across the sky or still ones, an omen for the end is near.
The closest i’ve ever been to a place like this was in France, Bordeaux actually. But the weather was sunny and it was crowded. So it wasn’t ideal was it. Still, it was one of the most beautiful beaches i’ve seen. Probably because i haven’t been to many beaches.
Lighthouse is cool too. Everything fits. The perfect picture to cease existent in.
I love Skins. Especially Cassie. Whenever i see an episode she’s in, i await in anticipation,’Where and what feels trip is she gonna bring me on this time round?’ And i realised that i fancy Cassie not because i can relate to her, well sometimes, but because i wanna be just like her, unique.
To be honest, unique is a wrong word to be used here. Everyone is unique, but not everyone is interesting. Cassie is brilliant, either that or Hannah Murray is, i secretly want to believe that Hannah Murray is exactly like this in real life. Because she depicts and represents Cassie entirely.
I love the other characters in Skins too. Everyone is so interesting. I doubt my friends around me are that interesting, or that i don’t get to know them enough to know better. They don’t know me any better i guess.
I like to see myself as an intriguing individual, just like Cassie. Not the sexual parts, i’m like Jakob, i’ve given up sex at the age of 13 - chastity ;)
I thoroughly enjoy watching shows i fancy. As much as its a short getaway from reality, its enough thought it really isn’t. I have this idiosyncratic belief that i am associated with the many characters of many shows i fancy. I am convinced that the people around me will never be as intriguing as characters from shows and movies.
And because of that, i can only truly be myself around movies and shows, which in layman’s term, would imply that i am truly myself when i am alone. Everything else is fabricated, none can handle or accept the real me from within. And i’m utterly convinced that no one is interested to anyways.
At the end of it all, a striking balance of equilibrium ensues. I live my life like a normal individual, but secretly hoping and escaping when no one is around, into music, drawings, shows, dramas.
A shame i stopped doing sports, i still hit the gym though, i want to look good even though no one is looking, i want to look good because i am vain and cares more than anyone how others see me when i don’t give 2 fucks about them because i am better off by myself.
I’m a living irony. And when was the last time i wrote lengthy essays for no one like this? I sincerely hope good dramas and movies don’t elude me because they are staple to me. And that i figure in time what to do with this life of mine to sustain it, to travel around the world again so i have memories and experiences to share with Cassie and Effy and others, guess that translates to self fulfilment somehow.
<3 I’m secretly different