No one cares.
Yea must be exams. I’m going bonkers.
Beautiful agony, fragile rage, nefarious happiness.
What i’m trying to drive at is adjectives supersedes noun, almost erasing their existence ALMOST completely.
Nouns are innate, it means what its suppose to be.
People are like nouns, born with innate abilities and disabilities.
But how we wanna present ourselves or who we wanna be? Thats adjectives.
We just hafta try hard enough to be whatever we wanna be, or even to be something we’re not, but definitely something we wanna be.
Wow.. This is what i wanna do, to live in. Not going to school to study for my upcoming exams.
I imagine listen to this when i’m high. I need drugs, but this, this is already my drug.
Music has always been my drug. I’m just really scare that some day it loses its effect. Where do i run to then?
And i would gladly hear her out at her disposal.
I guess I’ve been coop up alone in this room for too long.
Probably just needa not think about it.
Well, i believe i’ve mention this before, not that it matters but i’ve always pictured myself dying in flat greenland/plateau with grey skies looking like that.
Tall dried grass works as well, like that in the picture. That is exactly where i want to lay in for eternity, and grey skies. Grey skies are calming, its the calm before the storm, surprisingly tranquil and picturesque, whether its rapid moving grey clouds across the sky or still ones, an omen for the end is near.
The closest i’ve ever been to a place like this was in France, Bordeaux actually. But the weather was sunny and it was crowded. So it wasn’t ideal was it. Still, it was one of the most beautiful beaches i’ve seen. Probably because i haven’t been to many beaches.
Lighthouse is cool too. Everything fits. The perfect picture to cease existent in.
I love Skins. Especially Cassie. Whenever i see an episode she’s in, i await in anticipation,’Where and what feels trip is she gonna bring me on this time round?’ And i realised that i fancy Cassie not because i can relate to her, well sometimes, but because i wanna be just like her, unique.
To be honest, unique is a wrong word to be used here. Everyone is unique, but not everyone is interesting. Cassie is brilliant, either that or Hannah Murray is, i secretly want to believe that Hannah Murray is exactly like this in real life. Because she depicts and represents Cassie entirely.
I love the other characters in Skins too. Everyone is so interesting. I doubt my friends around me are that interesting, or that i don’t get to know them enough to know better. They don’t know me any better i guess.
I like to see myself as an intriguing individual, just like Cassie. Not the sexual parts, i’m like Jakob, i’ve given up sex at the age of 13 - chastity ;)
I thoroughly enjoy watching shows i fancy. As much as its a short getaway from reality, its enough thought it really isn’t. I have this idiosyncratic belief that i am associated with the many characters of many shows i fancy. I am convinced that the people around me will never be as intriguing as characters from shows and movies.
And because of that, i can only truly be myself around movies and shows, which in layman’s term, would imply that i am truly myself when i am alone. Everything else is fabricated, none can handle or accept the real me from within. And i’m utterly convinced that no one is interested to anyways.
At the end of it all, a striking balance of equilibrium ensues. I live my life like a normal individual, but secretly hoping and escaping when no one is around, into music, drawings, shows, dramas.
A shame i stopped doing sports, i still hit the gym though, i want to look good even though no one is looking, i want to look good because i am vain and cares more than anyone how others see me when i don’t give 2 fucks about them because i am better off by myself.
I’m a living irony. And when was the last time i wrote lengthy essays for no one like this? I sincerely hope good dramas and movies don’t elude me because they are staple to me. And that i figure in time what to do with this life of mine to sustain it, to travel around the world again so i have memories and experiences to share with Cassie and Effy and others, guess that translates to self fulfilment somehow.
<3 I’m secretly different
Cassie: Skins Pure pt. 1 (via grunge-en-roses)
Words escape me.
I don’t think it will ever end, even when i cease to exist.
So i was complaining on twitter why they let Sarah go when this young lady here has the greatest tenacity ever seen in a 9yr old.
Then she replied me on Twitter “TYVM!”
Awww.. she’s just too adorable <3
Kings of Summer was a pleasant surprise.
I meant, i knew i would like it. The title is awesome, but i didn’t like the emotional part with kelly and joe. Still, compelling performances by the young actors/actresses.
No doubt Gabriel Basso and Nick Robinson will be bright stars soon. And that lili reinhart.. damn.. girl is way gorgeous <3
And of course, this song. Its stories and songs like this that brings me away from my reality. That there’s somewhere out there, i know i belong elsewhere, not here, i just do.
Because none of my friends reads my tumblr, i can safely write this down.
Today, i feel like Mike Ross. Ho ho ho.
Simply because i ‘manipulated’/’went around’ the school system and got what i need. I just hope this doesn’t come back and bite me some day..
As much as i wanna share this with a few of my friends, i shouldn’t. Except one that is in cahoots with me since i suggested it.
YEA!! Now i can relate more to Mike’s shoes.
May our secrets never come to light ;)
Its never happening.
"The Way Way Back" and "Adventureland" and "Perks Of Being A Wallflower", shows like these let the ‘losers’ get the girls, or at least they are even mildly interested in them.
Kristen Stewart just looks stunning in Adventureland.. So does Annasophia Robb in The Way Way Back (Omg she is too pretty) and of course Emma in Perks.
I’m in love <3
I like watching movies, it feeds my fantasies. Fantasies aren’t exactly desires. Because i am realistic enough to know stuffs like these wouldn’t happen to me.
I guess my favourite gift that has been bestowed upon me would be that i can live in a movie. For that 2 hours, i am able to immerse myself in it completely. Not that i dread reality.. maybe i do but watching great movies are immensely satisfying..
I thank the actors/actress and directors and everyone whom make movies possible. This life of mine is dull, movies aren’t.
"You are one of the funniest and kindest and probably smartest persons that I have ever met (I am not fooling around now!)"
Anna just told me that. She’s currently in Austria, wait why is she in Austria ?! That girl is always running around.. I envy that.
And i am truly gratified at what she said. How many times do you get to hear something like this. I am so proud of myself right now. Have the strongest urge to share this on FB but no way, no one cares.
The last time someone ever said i was the kindest and nicest people around wasn’t never, but a long time ago.
It feels incredible to be appreciated. Its not an evaluation of self worth, maybe it is, but no words can describe this elation.
THANK YOU ANNA, YOU ARE AWESOME TOO <3
It always does when you realised your crush dies a little,
okay i am clearly dysfunctional. The heart dies a little inside when you realised your crush is attached.
TBH, it didn’t even felt much. It would have one week ago. Because the feeling was intense and immense. Now, since i’ve concluded that being alone is the best option, this is a happy ending.
Whats more, the most warped up part of it all. Is that now i understand how she can resist my charm. She couldn’t, because she’s attached. THAT IS WHY SHE DIDN’T BUDGE. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT MYSELF NOW. Its not that she wasn’t interested and i wasn’t good enough, its she couldn’t, she’s tied up, fine i might be delusional but please let me see things this way ;)
Hehe. Life just got better tonight. Please let this not kill any of my motivation.
Now.. how should i behave towards her? Lol