In the loneliest nights, i wna scream “And i don’t want the world to see me, Cause i don’t think that they understand” ~ Goo Goo Dolls.
But tonight isn’t one of them.
I guess when people are preoccupied, their thoughts can’t run wild.
When there’s an objective, the only objective is to complete that objective.
There isn’t room for others. Only whats ahead.
Which is why, as a student, i feel school terms are much easier to get by than holidays, prolly i dont work my ass off to study as well.
Exams are always at the back of your mind. That’s a cause for concern. You can procrastinate, but throughout, you can never really ignore it.
But holidays. Thats when you start living again. You think of the things you wna do. And more often than not, some nights are longer and lonelier. Then you wna have a tete a tete~ i like this word(HTHT) with someone, not anyone, but someone. Either your confidante, your crush, ur best fren, ur boifren, ur wife, someone whom can relate to, you to him, her to you.
Its always like this, isn’t it? Makes me wonder if anyone can ever be reclusive. Or does anyone behaves like i do. lol.
This is one part of me that i’m really familiar with.
But tonight is weird. I’m not particularly sentimental. Just the normal ‘ican’tfallasleep’ me. So this post isn’t appropriate for i only write when i feel like and i dont feel like posting anything at all.
But it is also tonight that i truly feel that people who scores low on the neuroticism are possibly the only ones who can be A recluse. And tonight i bet i have the lowest score of all time. lol. Emotions are always a burden. Disagree? Everyone is entitled to their opinions.
I don’t even hafta do a neuroticism test to know what i am. I might be the Einstein of IQ test in neurotic test. Trololll.
But this should be the least of my worries now. For exams are in 3 weeks time and all i do is watch shows after shows and rot and rot and dream and dream, i forgot eat and eat.
I’ve always wanted eidetic memory. I also know why i don’t have that. People who ‘feels much’ can’t afford to have eidetic memory. It would haunt them. Theres always a need for me to forget, but i tend to forget almost EVERYTHING. lol
Not much of a cogent argument, prolly i’m not as clear headed as i am when i’m neurotic. rofl.
You know how undergrads always say ‘i cant wait for exams to be over’. Yea. Everyone does. Just when they are done with it, the excitement is so short lived because you finally have all the time in the world now. You muse upon life, start your strings of questions and before you can answer ‘em all, your school semester starts again. Thats for my case. lol.
I wna see what happens when i start working. I wanted to be an astronaut when i was young. That thought of it scares the hell out of me now. And the many ridiculous ambitions i had, lololl. Then i realised i’m just gna end up behind a desk and get my ‘stable’ monthly income.
So what you set out to be is never where you will end up.
But right now, i feel like i’m nothing and i forgot what i’ve set out to be. Lol. Its always alright to disappoint yourselves, cause you never got to see how disappointed you look. When you let others down, you see it on their faces.
Right. Never expect. Never assume. Never ask. And never demand.
I really need to find
Something needs to happen, i know nothing’s gna happen if i don’t try. lol whut am i saeing. I’m just bored and i need something to spice up life.
Life right now is just purely respiratory , along with short surge of endorphins and occasional lingering melancholy that feels really good and prolly snsd concerts. HAHA. I’m sure theres more and there really is but whatever.
I’m gna lay huang’s ocbc credit card down on the table, put my computer to hibernation, Handfone places at the left side of the keyboard. Copy the credit card number onto notepad and save it at desktop, log in with Dom’s sistic account, oh wait before that i hafta wake the both of them up. Wow i really need a plan now.
Srsly if i were to read back at this i would knw how big of a loser i am, but on 9th dec, its all gna be good. I will look back at this smiling, satisfied. Please let everything be smooth tml, dun rain so i can kick balls after i get my tickets. So rain now and electrocute the ocbc credit cards that are lined outside the indoor stadium tgt with samsung tablets, let the people be unscathed. BEST PLAN EVER
[EDIT] WOAH. good thing i really went thru what to do tml, didn’t knw the nric is required, i meant his nric. Wow. I am really ready now. I’m getting the jitters. OHBOI cant wait. So exciting. trololll
“It’s like you’re screaming but no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important, that without them, you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. And when it’s over and it’s gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so you can have the good.”—Agyness Deyn, We Found Love Music Video (via thefilthyyouth)
I alwaes ask frens, “Is there a right time to love”
Wary, as if threading on dangerous grounds, they would give me that suspicious look, then say ‘no, course not’.
I would nod. It’s not exactly a rhetorical question. Coz i’m still looking for answers. But none has provided a new insight, not until a little awhile ago, by the awesome me. LOL i’m juz kidding i find myself damn unawesome. Tsk.
Sure, theres no right time to love. Love is everywhere, its omniscient, theres eternal love, theres love for animals, theres true love, theres lustful love, you name it, they have it. And none of the terms are actually bounded by ‘time’, cept eternal love, because temporary love are known as infatuations, anw luv is a word that i can never comprehend. So i doubt i’m proving my point here. Love can never be quantized by time. As such, there isn’t a right time to love, for love beats time anytime. Now thats food for thought. Lol. Luv wins time anytime.
Okae back to my point. Say if i told you there is a right time to love. You would hafta agree. Look at the pre stages of getting into a relationship and thus love, you dont confess to someone when shes in the toilet, neither do you tell her ilu when shes attending a wake/funeral. I apologise, for idk what but i just felt like apologizing and this is my tumblr so i write what i want. =) When people have other priorities in life, you hafta wait, becuz that certain priority to him/her might be of higher importance than love. Then again, shouldn’t humans place love as its utmost priority?
Talk about coincidence. Yesterdae night in the shower, i was thinking what happens if sth bad happens on 9th dec and i cant make it to the concert. Thoughts of people ard me dying , house caught on fire or fren needing desperate help surfaced. Just everything under the sun and moon that prevents me from gg to the concert. before i could even ponder i was done with showering and that was it. Now we have a situation like this. Sry mel i’m actually referring to you. Its raining and i wna let my thoughts flow =S If u read it, dun hate it. I like wearing people’s shoes. Am fond of it. So i put myself in her shoes. Oh wait, i’m not wearing her shoes. I’m just saying if things like that ever happen, what would i do. But i’m not telling you what i would do becuz i dun wna thinking about sth like that. Life is depressing enough, when i cross road junctions, all i ever think about is getting hit by a car and how i would fly. Or how i would die in a car crash if i’m at the front seat of a car. If i ever wna fantasize, i only wna think about gd stuffs. In which i cant but yea so no wearing shoes here.
Yes i am dying to go to the concert. Maybe my hype isnt as much as before but its still enough to make me fuck studies and go. This, i’m saying are things we can live with. Say ur sister fell off the steps and grazed her leg. You wouldn’t not go the concert just for that. Its what we can live with. I can live with my sister, suffering minor injuries and still have fun at the concert( I dun haf a sister btw).But i cant live with , no i dun wna give examples, i dun wna think about anything bad now. Imagine having fun in the concert, opportunity cost, economics terms. You forsake this for that, people can enjoy themselves fully at the expense of ‘something bad happening ard you’, only depending on the scale of the mishap. idk what i’m saying anymore becuz the rain got rather heavy and its not quiet anymore. Forget it
As i was saying, i found the answer to my question. YES there is a right time to love. THis would mean something else is more important than love within this time frame. That makes it not the right time to love, like studies, work, career, goals, these actually prevent people to love, how i’ve seen frens telling their crush ‘can we wait till exams are over’ ~ puppy love back then. These are for you know, people who dont view love above all else, nth wrng with that, just saying. My love here refers to relationship love, family love, love of frens, what not. Then i chanced upon this. Love is able to delay love, making this love not the right time to love. I really hate using the word luv so incessantly becoz i’ve never really said it out physically before and typing luv luv luv makes me uncomfortable? =/ When one love is greater than the other, it overpowers it and there you have it, the right time to love, it delays the other one. To choose between ur boifren or ur parents, its hard. So one has to be smart to ensure such scenarios doesnt arise and thus choosing the right time to love.
Make sense? NO. I give up.
Dang i’m thinking this post is really bull and i wna delete it. I tot i had it going in my mind for awhile and i lost all of it while typing. First ever post tagged under ‘Me’ and its such a let down. Alwaes am huh me. =S Never a philosopher, but a delusional half fucked thinker who sees himself as an intellectual thinker. Nicely put. haha